Mental

Granted; I am an inmate of a mental hospital, my keeper is watching me, he never lets me out of his sigh; there is a peephole in the door, and my keeper’s eye is the shade of brown that can never see through a blue-eyed type like me.  I thought to myself. He stares making sure I won’t do anything reckless I guess. But I have never been reckless. At least, not here. I didn’t do anything wrong in my eyes. My stepfather was trying to rape my little 9 year old sister. When I tried to save her he got mad and took me instead. I was 13 at the time. My mother was at the hospital with cancer. After he was done with me, I tried to run away with my sister. As I was packing, he tried to shoot me with his shotgun. He got my sister instead. He shot here in the stomach. I tried to save her but what was I to do. I didn’t know how to save a life. She couldn't bare the pain. She started choking on her own blood. I held her in my arms and started crying. I had to be strong for my sister. I got up determined to murder him. He dropped the gun. I grabbed it and tried to shoot him. The police where in the room before I could even breathe. “I don’t know what’s wrong with, and shot her sister. She killed my stepdaughter!” He said attempting to cry. I was so appalled that he had the nerve to kill my sister and blame it on me. I was still crying really hard from sister’s passing. I was in questioning for hours and hours every day after school since that night. Everyone thought I did it, even my mother. They all tried to blame it on the fact that I was drinking that night and I was in a state of depression because of my mother being in the hospital with cancer. I hated my mother after that day. I only live for my sister.

            My keeper continues to stare. Although he was on everyone else’s side, I knew he knew I was telling the truth. Inside he could feel it. I can see him try to read me. It was tough for him because I never showed any emotion. Trust me I had a lot of emotion. I just didn’t feel like showing it to the world. He deserves to die and I will make sure that happens. I just have to get rid of my keeper. I have to think of a way to distract him. Suddenly, there was really loud beep. It was lunch time. I went down to the lunch room in my hideous white jumpsuit. I sat down at one of the tables. Being in here for so long made me realized that half the people in this place weren’t even fanatical. They were just caught in bad situations. I feel for them, but that does not make me like them. Everyone in here was crazy, including the guards and doctors, but not all of them were insane.

            I’m eighteen now. I could be doing something productive in my life. I could be fulfilling my dreams and ambitions. I could have gone to college. I wanted to go to Penn State University. I wanted to be a writer. I could have fallen in love. I always wanted to fall in love. My only love right now is getting out of here. Why do I really want to get out of here? Who will want me, hire me, or love me. I’m tired of second guessing myself. I want try. At least try. When I escape I don’t have live on the streets. I could go anywhere. I could go India, Brazil, England, Japan, and Afghanistan.  Thinking about it makes me upset because all the things I could do and be, but then I remember I’m still here. What can I do, and how can I do it.

            “Ingrid. It’s time to go back to your room.” My keeper said, as he took a hold of my arm. As we walked back, I conspired a plan. I just realized that I didn’t even know his name. “Hey, what’s your name?” He looked at me with a tough look. “William.” He said with his deep voice. I nodded. “Do you have a wife?” I asked half curious. “No.” he said blankly. “Any kids?” He stopped dead in his tracks. He squeezed my arm tighter. When he looked at me, his strong brown blue eyes stared at mine, burning a hole in my face. That was obviously a rough subject for him. His hold on me loosened. He mumbled something. I looked at his features. He had a nice nose, slightly big ears, and a strong jaw. His skin was dark, like chocolate. I looked at his hand on my arm. It complimented my cold, pale skin. Before I knew it he started walking again. He almost pushed me in my room. After I got in the bed, I fell asleep.

            Ever since that day we talked a little more every time as he walked me to my room. I learned that he used to be married. She killed herself. He never wanted to tell me her name. He had two children; girls. His last name was Edwardson. I liked it. One day we were talking about everything and nothing in the cafeteria. He told me I was beautiful. I knew I was in. I had him totally rapped around my finger. Just like I used to do to daddy before he ran away. Maybe that’s why he left us, maybe he ran away. Oh well. All I know is that my plan is working. I leaned in to kiss him. Surprisingly, he leaned forward. Who knew guys were so vulnerable? When his lips touched mine I took a butter knife that was on the table and I stated whaling on him. I keep stabbing him, trying to be as quiet as possible. He didn’t make much noise either, probably from the shock. I was never a murderer. I never thought I would. Eventually he died, with what seemed like forever. I apologized to him a thousand times in whatever was left in my heart. I knew the cameras saw, but the guards were idiots, they probably haven’t seen it yet. I took his keys and ran. It was too easy. Once I got out, they finally started trying to get after me. I was long gone. It was time for me start fresh. All I had was a head full of knowledge and half a heart. -Rohmee M.