It was a rainy Saturday night when I answered the door and saw my first love standing there. I was thirty-two years old. How could I have seen her again? This is ridiculous. I spend my whole life trying to get away from the love that I was so afraid of. Ok, let me start from the beginning. I was a freshman in college. She was my first distraction there. I worked hard in school to become the business anchor I am today, but that didn’t stop her from consuming me. I never thought I would hook up with a girl. Everyone told me to just does it and that it would be a fun experience. I never expected to get so attached. The first time I kissed her I was uncomfortable and embarrassed because we were playing kiss and blow. It was supposed be boy, girl, boy, girl, but there was a shorter number of boys. When we kissed everyone laughed, because I was straight and she wasn’t. Her name was Vikki and I never saw her like that. She was always kind of a tomboy but she was a pretty girl. We hadn’t talked since that day, until she approached after my class and asked if could study with her. I said sure but on anything led to another and we kissed again. We had a ‘thing’. We would hook up almost every day after that. I still considered myself straight, even though I knew I was in love with her. Soon Vikki transferred to Virginia State. I tried to stay in touch with her, but she never returned my calls. After a few months I gave up. I met my husband, and I had a beautiful daughter named Dorothy. I love my family. I don’t want to get involved with Vikki anymore, but something is pulling me to her. Looking back I realize that she never loved me like I loved her. She never asked me out, or said if she liked me or not. She didn’t even say goodbye when she transferred.
“Hey, long time no see.” Vikki said.
“Hi, how are you.” I said nervously. I could tell she was the same Victoria.
“You know, I didn’t mean to-“She started.
“I know, I know. You didn’t call. I’ve gotten over it. I moved on.”
“I was going to say I’m sorry for leading you on. It was college; I didn’t think you were going to take it so seriously.” She went on.
“It was college! What an excuse. Since you knew I was straight and never done that before you should have never even messed with. You totally played with my emotions. You made me think I was in love with you.” I argued.
“Seriously, you were grown women. You- you were in love with me?” she asked curiously.
“I thought I was. Now I’m happily married and hoping to have a child.” I said.
“Oh, well I’m happy for you.” She said.
“Thanks…” I started.
“You’re welcome. Are you happy?” She asked.
In that moment, I realized that I was happy. I didn’t want Vikki at all. She was a mistake that happened in the past. Even though I got hurt in the process, I don’t regret what happened.
“You know what, Victoria. Good-bye.” I said. I began to walk away from the scene and didn’t feel any trace of sadness.
“Wait, where are you going? You don’t want to talk about anything!” She yelled after me.
I kept on walking, feeling proud of myself. I was so happy I had a family to go home to. Frankly, I didn’t care about what happened to Victoria. I was glad I got all of that off my chest.
When I closed my door my husband was on the computer. I ran to him and sat on his lap. I gave him a big passionate.
“I love you.” He said as he laughed. I laughed with him.
“I love you, too.” I said. And for the first time, I knew I had meant it.
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